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The following was a short and sweet journal I posted in May of 2013.
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I married my best friend almost 6 years ago.
My husband fell in love with my best friend almost 1 year ago.
I couldn't be happier than I am right now.
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Now, even though the polyamorous relationship that the above journal was celebrating has failed, I still have faith that there are some people that can and do make it work. Just wasn't us.
And it wasn't the sharing each other sexually that drove us apart. It was simply living together. It was the silly nuances of each other's housekeeping and sleeping and free time habits that started driving wedges. Different priorities. And feeling taken advantage of. And being passive aggressive. And just being unhappy...
A mini catch-up
It's been a long time since I've written anything akin to journaling or pleasure. I can't really pinpoint a reason why. I do know I started drifting from DA when I moved out of Buck's house, committed to a traditionally structured relationship and sank into a dejavous my early 20's party mode. Working at TGI Friday's with my young roommates meant we saw each other at work and at home, but it was ok for a while because we all smoked and drank together too. Life was one big party. None of them seemed as interested in the arts as I, so I subconsciously drifted from that side of me while building friendships with these people. Aisley, Jordan, Lex
Sorry I went awol
I know I haven't been on in a long time.
I can't really pinpoint any individual reason as to why - many things factored into my drift from DA.
I do know I was surprised to see that I was missed.
I'm flattered, and I'm sorry. I've grown attached to people through DA who vanished from my world too, so I should have known better.
I never intended to stop checking in... I still don't... I don't think.
Life's been up down sideways all over since the divorce.
I used to consider writing as therapy, but I think I avoided this place as an outlet after a while because my ex husband is why I discovered DA in the first place.
Moving on with my l
Crutch
My port in the storm
My knight in shining armor
Of course I love you
The way I want you
Most likely codependence
'Cause it's not mutual
I'll love you always
You were just what I needed
When my world fell down
I have to be strong
And not fall when you leave me
Because it's coming
And it's supposed to
We aren't a forever pair
I knew from the start
So thank you, my love
Regardless of time table
For loving me back
Blahhh
Everyone that's ever told me
"it'll get easier"
"it gets better"
"hang in there, you got this"
Just give me ten bucks instead.
Because that'll add up to actually making it
easier
better
help me hold on.
I've got a new excuse to cry every day
along with every old reason
that hasn't gone away.
Hindsight is 20/20, huh?
I wish it was blind.
Looking back and being able to see all the things that contributed to where I am right now...
that doesn't make me feel better.
© 2013 - 2024 Zilenna
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